Every day, I see some version of this post:

“I own five vending machines and pull in $10,000 a month in cash flow.”

And that’s awesome. Sincerely. If you figured out a way to make snack logistics profitable in 2025, I hope your Skittles empire lasts forever.

But I don’t want to do that.

I don’t want to negotiate placement with gas stations, buy bulk inventory, or find out someone jammed peanut butter into the coin return.

So instead, I built OppenFolio.

It’s a system that pulls in 2-3% monthly yield, real, spendable money, with no employees, no property, and no product. Just ETFs, Python scripts, and cold, emotionless math.

Let’s talk about why I made that choice.

“Why are you even doing this with your money?”

Fair question.

There are plenty of reasons not to build a high-yield ETF machine in a taxable account. There are also thousands of other ways to invest, real estate, small business, franchises, vending machines, even crypto if you’re feeling lucky.

If you want the deep dive into how OppenFolio works, check out the intro post here. This one’s more about why.

But OppenFolio wasn’t built to chase clout. It was built to avoid stress.

This is a system for people who want cash flow without chaos.

“But taxes will destroy your returns!”

Yep. I assume a 30-40% tax hit on everything OppenFolio earns.

This is a regular brokerage account. No tax shelters. No loopholes. Just straightforward income reporting.

But here’s the thing:
It still works.

Even with taxes, OppenFolio is targeting 3% monthly yield, not paper gains, not theoretical appreciation, but real money. The kind that buys groceries. The kind McDonald’s accepts.

If you know how to pull that kind of yield and dodge taxes legally, great. Loop in your accountant, we should talk.

“Why not buy real estate?”

I already did.

I own property in a major city, main house, ADU, sub-2% mortgage locked in during the golden years. Thanks to inflation, the bank’s essentially paying me to live there.

But you’re not getting a 2% mortgage today. You’re getting 6-7%, if you’re lucky. And unless you enjoy applying for loans, fixing things, managing tenants, and praying your roof doesn’t collapse, you might find real estate is less “passive income” and more “stress with drywall.”

“What about retirement?”

Handled. I’ve got ~$300k in retirement accounts across a 401k and IRAs. I’m 44. Even if I never add another dollar, I’ll be fine.

If you don’t have that set up yet, do that first. OppenFolio isn’t your retirement plan. It’s your right-now income plan.

“You should start a franchise!”

No thanks.

I’m not interested in borrowing $300k to open a fitness franchise and sell protein shakes until I cry. And if the upside is “buying yourself a full-time job,” I’ll pass.

Same for restaurants. Same for laundromats. Same for car washes. If it involves staff, schedules, or standing water, I’m out.

Let’s go back to the vending machine

Even if the numbers are real, and let’s pretend they are, here’s what you’re really looking at:

  • Upfront costs: You’re buying physical inventory.
  • Ongoing effort: Someone has to restock it. If it’s not you, you’re paying someone else.
  • Risk: Theft, damage, regulation, tariffs, sugar bans, whatever.
  • Stress: And for what? Some illusion of passive income that still eats your time and energy?

You’ll pay taxes on that vending machine cash flow too. And even if you game the system with LLCs and creative write-offs, OppenFolio will still beat your margins.

And I do it from a laptop. No car. No keys. No peanut butter incidents.

So why invest at all?

Because I’m too lazy to do anything else.

OppenFolio is what happens when you look at the modern hustle economy, throw up your hands, and say:

“I want the results of vending machine ownership without the machines.”

No clutter. No calls. No crises. Just income.

This is what my money does when I don’t want to do anything.

Follow-up post: NAV Decay Is Rust — why most passive income has a cost, and how we chose ours.

You can always reach me at [email protected] if you want to go deeper.

Disclaimer: This post is for informational purposes only and reflects personal opinions, not financial advice. OppenFolio is not an investment advisory service. See site disclaimer for full details.